“Be nice.” Ever heard that? Ever said that? Ever said that to yourself?
Of course, you probably said “yes” to all of the above. We hear it as children, “be nice to our siblings, be nice to our friends, be nice in general.” We are. I mean, we don’t go around choking people, even if we think they deserve it.
We do nice actions for others, we open the door for the person behind us, or in front of us if their hands are full. We hand items to those who can’t reach them, maybe they’re too short and the item is too high or they can’t bend and the item is too low, we can reach the item, so we do. We are courteous to others, we’re nice.
What about you? When was the last time you were nice to you? It might sound selfish to think of yourself, but it’s not. After all, if you feel good, those who care about you feel good. Here are five ways to be nice to you.
1. Forgive yourself. Today is global forgiveness day. Sure we can forgive others. How about us? Do you feel guilty because of, well anything really? I do. Every time I hear about a new, or different cancer treatment, I feel guilty that we didn’t try the treatment. We did the best we could with the information we had at the time. The truth is the new treatment I’m learning about wasn’t available when my husband was sick. At least it was available to us, we didn’t know about it. I have to forgive myself for not knowing everything about cancer and it’s treatment. Almost daily in fact. I do by reminding myself, we did the best we could with the knowledge we had, and the treatments available then.
2. Treat yourself. We do it for our kids and grandkids, we buy them that special toy or gift they want. Yet, we don’t do it for us. True, we may have to save the money for the treat we want. I love to be in the water, large bodies of water, not a bathtub. After several summers of not going to the lake for a swim because it was too much trouble, I saved the money and bought a pool. It’s what others would call a cheap above-ground pool. It wasn’t inexpensive, I had to save the money, remember? However, it cost less than one that had to be installed by experts. I bought this one, brought it home in my pickup, and set it up myself.
3. Let others help you. The above mentioned pool? I didn’t set it up alone. I tried, but the Oklahoma wind made it difficult. Another set of hands were needed. Not only did I let my son help set up the pool, I called and asked for help. Letting others help you is being nice to them, it makes them feel good. It is also being nice to you, you’re making life a little easier for yourself. Go you.
4. Make an effort for you. This is similar to treating yourself, except it involves using your energy. Like cooking. I don’t cook often. When I do it’s either just food to eat, I like it, but it’s nothing special and I have to eat so I cook. I also prepare special dishes for my children when they visit, or if I go see them. Recently, however, I wanted a brownie. Not a store-bought brownie, although those are good. I wanted a warm-from-the-oven, nut-filled, brownie, and I wanted to be able to eat a cooled one with a glass of milk, or topped with ice-cream. Except, making my brownies takes time and effort. Not to mention I don’t need to eat a whole pan of brownies. After several days I decided to be nice and bake the brownies. Yep, that first one was WONDERFUL. After they cooled, I left one out to eat later for dessert, wrapped the others up and froze them. Next time I want one of my brownies, I only have to wait for one to thaw, or I can stick it in the microwave for a moment.
5. Do something for someone else. I know. That doesn’t sound selfish doe it? The feel-good feeling that comes from doing something for others lasts long past the event. Recently the actor Mark Harmon participated in a couple of charity events in my area. My friend wanted to go see him. I found the dates, and venues and we went. We even got a picture of him and her, although he was standing on a baseball field, and she was standing in the bleacher area it looks like he’s much shorter than her. In reality, she is about a foot shorter.
What have you done nice for you lately?
Do you have another idea for being nice to you?
Have you forgiven yourself for something that you felt guilty about?
For more suggestions on living and widowhood check out my book, BEYOND THE GRIEF, A WIDOW’S SURVIVAL GUIDE.