To Move or Not to Move, That is the Question

I always heard, and many “experts” still advise widows not to make any drastic decisions or changes the first twelve months after their husband’s death. What about after? Is it better to move or stay in the familiar home?

There have been several moves in my lifetime. Moves made with my parents, over which I had no say or control and moves with my husband which were usually job-related. There were a couple of moves that weren’t totally because of his job, but it often played a part. This time, if I choose to move it will be because I want to and for no other reason. Except maybe that my kids all want me to move too, but their vote is not a deciding factor.

Shortly after my husband’s death, I moved, there was no waiting. Of course, I moved because we had bought the house just before he died and it felt like I needed to finish what we had started.


I am currently giving some thought to moving again, this time closer to my kids. Should I move? Should I stay? As I ponder my future, here are some of the questions I consider:

Am I happy where I am? I am happy where I am, and I could be happy elsewhere, so this question doesn’t help me much.

Is my house too big or just the right size? My current house is really too small, or at least arranged weird. However, since I’m in the process of decluttering, this size is probably best.

If I move what would I want different? Water nearby. A lake or pond view is best, but a pool in the backyard will work. Like this pond at my current house

the pond

If I move what would I want the same? Space, so my neighbors aren’t in my hip pocket. I’m not a town or city person.

Would I be able to continue meeting with my friends or would I have to cultivate a new set of friends? Since I wouldn’t move that far, meetings with my current friends could continue. 


How do I feel about meeting new people and bringing them into my life? Not sure if I want to go to the trouble of finding and cultivating new friendships. 

How would I spend my day, compared to how I spend it now? Same

Is there a financial difference? A different house might cost more which would make the mortgage higher otherwise the same.

Is medical help easier, harder or the same? Same

Can I afford the move? Yes.

If I move it will be across town more or less. Others consider moving across the state or country, which would include other questions about moving the large pieces of furniture.

Have you considered moving for reasons other than a job?

What questions would you ask?



About Nita

Quilter, writer, speaker, mom and grandmom. I enjoy making quilts for my grandkids, and other children. I especially love hearing and sharing quilt stories with others, that's how the book came about and this blog will continue to share quilt stories and how God works with quilts to comfort and teach us.
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3 Responses to To Move or Not to Move, That is the Question

  1. Martha DeMeo says:

    You asked yourself great questions and thought out your answers well. Hubby and I moved south in 1994 to care for my parents. Both are gone now and we have talked about moving to a one story since hubby and stairs don’t get along well. We shall see, we definitely need to be close by our sweet great granddaugther!

  2. Karen Sammer says:

    Great thought provoking questions.

  3. Daria says:

    We have moved 4 times in the last 4 years (including a cross country move followed by another move within the city 7 months later). All of it was done in order to align our lifestyle with our moral convictions and our needs (high density city living, sustainability, being car-free, kids growing up in a multicultural environment). Ultimately, it came down to “Does this place feel like home?” For me, unless a place met those needs, it felt temporary no matter how hard I tried to make it mine.

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